Borderlands 2: Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage DLCby Brent Roberts
Well heloooooooooooooooooooooooooo gamers! It is I, your most awesomest robot master Claptrap and boy have I got an explosive tale to tell you! We just got done plundering Capt. Scarlett's booty and now we're off to find the mythical Lootsplosion in the over-the-top latest DLC called Mr. Torgue's Campaign of Carnage! Now aaaaaapparently, the developers thought I was more of a lover and not a fighter, and because of that ignorance, I'm not the main feature in this DLC! Instead I'm replaced BY A STUPID, LOUD, ANNOYING, SWEARING @**CLOWN NAMED..... GET THIS.... MR. TORGUE AND APPARENTLY HE CAN ONLY TALK IN CAPITAL LETTERS, BUT GETS CONFUSED ON HOW THEY BECOME WORDS! ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?? WHAT KIND OF BULL$HIT IS THIS? THAT HURTS MAN... RIGHT HERE... IF I HAD A HEART INSTEAD OF A BATTERY, IT'D BE BROKE MAN, F***ING SHATTERED; AND IF I HAD LEGS I'D SHOVE A BOOT RIGHT UP YOUR @$$! OK MINION, SINCE THESE $HITHEADS DECIDE THAT IT'S BETTER TO HAVE A BRAINLESS AND WITLESS BRUTE WHO CONSTANTLY SHOUTS SWEARS AT YOU, INSTEAD OF A SUAVE SECRET AGENT NINJA ROBOT WHO IS LOVED BY ALL THE LADIES, I'M GOING TO GIVE YA THE INTEL YOU WANT THEN HEAD BACK TO PLUNDERING MORE OF CAPT. SCARLETT'S BOOTY, AND LEAVE YOU TO THE OVERCOMPENSATING CAPITAL LETTER KING. OH MINION, IF MOXXI ASKS WHERE I'M AT, COVER FOR ME WILL YA?
In the latest DLC for Borderlands 2, we are taken to the manliest of the alpha manliest of places, THE BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE (YES IT'S ALL IN CAPS) and are introduced to that piece of $hit MR. TORGUE... yeah I'm bitter, so what? If his name sounds familiar it's because he's the man behind the Torgue weapon line. Yes apparently this genius can't form a sentence, but he can pick off the reproductive region of a varkid from 400 yards. Oh and when I say he's loud and swears a lot, I MEAN HE'S REALLY F***ING LOUD AND SAYS A $HITLOAD OF SWEARS. In BADASSITUDE only the strong survive to laugh at the weak and the dead. Apparently another vault has been discovered there however, the doors will only open once the blood of the coward has been spilt. I didn't just make that up, that is really what they want you to do. After that fairy tale line, they say that the vault will open up and unleash a Lootsplosion to the strongest, or the only one left alive, you pick.
You know what they say minion, if you can't beat them with the gun you own, get more guns, and that is exactly what we've got here in this new DLC. Since we're not straying too far from shameless self-promotion here, MR. TORGUE has decided to include a brand new weapon station as well that flexes like he does, but sell guns that shoot a bigger load than Moxxi can handle. These new stations though don't take cash, or iridium, but instead they take these TORGUE TOKENS which you earn from killing high level enemies, completing quests, and gambling (which also take TORGUE TOKENS to play). I don't know about you, but if you have to put your own money out there, you have to be overcompensating something. I'm just sayin... While you're goin about BADASSITUDE, you'll uncover multiple arena style fights where your job is simple, kill everything you see over and over again; and you'll even come across one of the most challenging enemies you'll ever face, and his name is Pete. Yup Pete is like everyone else here in BADASSITUDE, heavily armed and very pissed off and boy will he let you know it. Even though BADASSITUDE may be a strange part of Pandora to you, some familiar faces show up to help you along your way. Tiny Tina apparently teaches you about why it's good to sign autographs, walk dogs, and decimate anyone in your way; and Moxxi shows up to throw money your way by becoming your sponsor while she plans to rebuild her Underdome. Ever think about where Moxxi holds all that cash? Makes you wonder doesn't it? How big a tip have you given her?
I've said it before, and I'll say it again minion, the key to making great DLC is to make great DLC, and that is exactly what we have here. Priced at 800 MS points, MR. TORGUE'S CAMPAIGN OF CARNAGE is a must have for any vault hunting psychotics but the best part is that if you were one of the smart ones and bought the Borderlands 2 Season Pass, this DLC is FREE! So what are you waiting for minion? Head on out, and show them why you have the biggest gun in BADASSITUDE and if you need me minion I'll be back here plundering more of Captain Scarlett's booty. AAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDD OPEN!