STAFF REVIEW of Batman: Arkham City (Xbox 360)


Monday, October 31, 2011.
by Brent Roberts

Batman: Arkham City Box art Why hello there kiddies, it's your ol' pal Uncle J here! I hope you've missed me as much as I've missed you! Yes, yes, I know it may be a bit surprising hearing from me, given that our pointy eared friend left me for dead after our last battle, but I'm back to show bats that even though what he did to me was wrong, I'm still going to kill him with kindness. I've always pegged batsy for a real loaner, but what do I know right? Guess now Batman went to some super freak social network site because now I'm hearing rumors that he's got a girlfriend who also dresses up like a cat, hahahaha can you believe it?!?!? And they call me psychotic. So I don't have a cape, or a tight leather body suit, what I do have though is a better taste in fashion because I dress to kill. But enough about me, let's get to the punch line and talk about Batman Arkham City shall we? Between you and me, that flying rat won't know what hit him this time! Hehehehe, we're coming to the end batsy ol' boy and when you see what I've been planning all along hahahahahahaha you'll just die; so welcome Batman to Arkham City!

Now for those who haven't heard, and shame on you for not paying attention, Arkham Asylum has expanded! Thanks to the actions of Dr. Hugo Strange all of your much loved sociopaths, psychopaths, and downright crazy inmates have decided that we were in need of a change of scenery. So we thought, since we loved the citizens of Gotham so much, we'd move right in! Just like the in-laws from hell hahahhahaha! Now unlike the bat, we villains know how to play nice with each other, Freeze has frozen over Gotham PD, the Penguin has the museum locked down, and I've managed to open up my new fun house! However, I've heard rumors that our good Doctor Strange has something in store called Protocol 10 that will change this city forever. What is it you ask? Well to me it sounds like a new hemorrhoid cream, but I could be wrong, but if it is, I could really use it because Batman has really become a pain in my ass. hahahhahaha!


Now I ask you, how fair is it for batsy to fly around without touching the ground, confusing my own men, and then dive attack them while freezing them with his new freeze blast weapon? Why it's not fair at all! I've always played fair, I may not have played nicely hahahahaha, but at least I played fair! All these new upgrades for different combat combinations, gadgets, and even his suit make me think that it's time I do the same with my guards! So I've outfitted these bozos with state of the art weaponry, laser sights, and even new detection modes to keep our winged friend from cheating! Sure, sure, Batman has his improved free flow combat system, but I've got something better, lots and lots of guns; hahahahahaha. What other tricks does bat brain have in store for little ol' me I wonder? He may like to have an ace up his sleeve, but I always love that Jokers are wild. hahahahahaha


I hate to admit it but in Arkham City I'm not the only one looking fabulous. These new graphics have really made Two Face's new suits look very sharp and Freeze's spaceman type outfit thing sends a chill up my spine hahahaha but what about our old friend Batman? Someone's got to tell him that this cape and cowl thing is sooooooo last generation, but I got to admit you age really, really well, whats your secret? Age defying bat spray? Some special Lazarus Pit Oil? A sample of Dick Clark's blood? hahahahahahaha. If you think I look good, you should check out Arkham City! You should see how the streets and buildings are decorated by your favorite psychopaths and delusional misfits! Poison Ivy definitely has that whole "home and garden" look going for her and I've FINALLY managed to reopen my new fun house, wait did I say that already? I wanted to celebrate the occasion so I went all out ya know? Guns, guards, I even hung streamers and balloons so to make it a real festive occasion! hahahahahaha!

How could we make this experience in Arkham City any better I wonder... hmmmmm... wait I know, let's throw together a very dramatic and ominous musical score to go along with the pitch perfect voice acting! Kevin Conroy is back doing the voice for Bats himself, and yours truly is voiced by Mark Hamill in what could possibly be his last and final Joker performance, oh how sad if that is true! Oh well, at least they can say I had the last laugh after all! Hahahahahaha Arkham City does provide a phenominal dramatic soundtrack, but there's nothing like hearing it blend with a mix of psychotic tortured screams echoing through the alleyways. Really, it's quite relaxing, you should try sleeping to it sometimes, and it always brings a smile to my face. Hahahahahahaha


So now the stage has been set, the characters are all in place, the battle lines drawn, and Batman is up against his greatest challenge yet. With all these new side missions, challenges, and riddles to solve, I hope you don't keep me waiting long batsy hahahahaha. Do you have what it takes to take on Gotham's greatest villains? I know we don't have a lot of time together batsy but I got a joke for you, and this one is a real killer! hahahahahaha! Batman visits his doctor. The doctor says "I have good news and bad news. The bat says "whats the good news?" The doctor says "you have 30 hours to live". The Batman says what could possibly be worse. The doctor says "I got the blood tests in yesterday and I forgot to call you." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Suggest ions:
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat... watch me kill your favorite cat! Hahahahahahahahaha! XD


Overall: 9.5 / 10
Gameplay: 9.6 / 10
Visuals: 9.6 / 10
Sound: 9.4 / 10

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