A tragic death.
I already posted this at Team X-box, but a buddy of mine told me to post it here as well. So, good, bad, or ugly...here it is! Here's to hoping the guilty take note as to what my satire is trying to say!
4/11/02
-USA Today, Entertainment Section
The Videogame industry is in mourning today after the death of the videogamer. The gamer reportedly died after spending too much time worrying about competing consoles, market shares, and demographics, instead of actually playing their games. Sources close to the gamer describe say it was a slow death that has spanned since the beginning of the Internet. 36 year-old Susan Kolch, a mother of a gamer in Chicago, says she mourns her son's demise. "He used to be so happy. You know, he'd come home with his friends, they'd pop in whatever was the newest hit. I remember those boys laughing for hours. Now, he comes home, alone, and reads the latest sales figures from anyone who will sell it to him. I even caught him buying a bogus sales report from a homeless man last week becasue he said he had proof that the PS2 has failed in Greenland. It's just horrible." Console manufacturers also share some of the grief, who claim utter shock that the videogamer would rather be a market researcher. Shigeru Miyamoto, a leading developer for the Nintendo states, "I'm very displeased. This is insult to entire way of videogame culture. Games bring happiness, that is why Nintendo hire market analyists to do sales research instead of gamer, becauses sales research does not bring happiness." Bill Gates, who's gaming hat was thrown in the ring last year with the X-Box, was shocked by the gamer's death, saying, "Man, and I thought I was a nerd." The videogamer lived a long and fruitful life, its beginings rooted in arcades scattered across malls throughout the world. Then, in the late 1970's, the gamer saw a revolutionary change in the industry, as the home console offered unlimited play time in the living room. The videogamer was elated. The industry was indestructable...or so it thought. "No one ever thought that the one thing that would kill the gamer would be itself," states Seamus Blackley, head of marketing for the X-Box. "Not the conservative politician. Not technology. It was the gamer's own doing. Incredible." Funeral services will be held next week.
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, i guess i'll just see how long it's going to take for xbox to outsell all other consoles...at current sales projections, of course
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